Talking about sex can be really nervous. The action itself can be awkward and when you start thinking about how much sex you and your partner have or not, it can cause some concern. Despite the fact that thinking about it can be quite stressful, talking about the sexual frequency with your partner may seem even worse. Sex is an essential part of a healthy relationship. It combines intimacy, romance, and communication, which are basic components of love and each of which should be present for a happy relationship.

It is important to understand that there are a lot of factors like relationship status, health, and age that can affect the frequency of sex. Couples in the early stages of their relations can often have sex. As the relationship develops, speed can slow down. If they are busy with work or caring for children, they may not have as much time for sex as before. Moreover, if someone in the couple has a disease or experiences pain during sex, they may have less sex or even none. However, these things can change if they feel better. In this article, we gathered four tips on how to talk with your partner about the frequency of sex.

1. Communicate openly and often

Open and honest communication is the main part of healthy relationships. You should talk about it before, during and after sex. Discussing sex, sexuality, gender roles, fantasy, and arousal should be performed at least once a week between partners. Begin a conversation about a sensual game with a reflection of the last sexual intercourse. For example, “I enjoyed being with you last night and that’s why…” The more often partners talk about sex, the more comfortable and open they will be. It may be a slow process, but you will see that your partner will feel comfortable talking, practicing, and even asking for more sex.

2. Choose the right time the talk

In order to start a conversation, find a time when you are not busy, stressed, worried, or unable to devote all your attention to talking about sex in another way. It is also important to make sure that you will not be interrupted. Sit together and just start with, “Darling, I was wondering if you can talk a little about our sex life…”

This will probably not be the most comfortable conversation in your life, but that’s fine. Both of you may be uncomfortable during the conversation, but you should understand that you are doing this in order to improve your relationship.

3. Listen to your partner

It is actually normal to ask your partner, “How do you feel about the frequency of sex in our relations?” At this point, it is important to listen to what your partner is saying. This can lead to a greater understanding of what happens to a partner with less desire. Many times this refers to a context that may require a collective effort to improve the situation. This can be tiredness, financial problems, stress, conflict in relationships, and especially if it is a woman with a lower desire, these factors are central to her openness to sexual contact.

4. It’s normal to schedule sex

Planning sex can be a useful solution for many couples because waiting and preparing can be very pleasant and fun. The best way to approach sex planning is to choose a couple of days a week when sex is appropriate for both partners. This allows couples to work on the situation. For example, on Wednesday evening (your chosen time), you will pick up dinner out, leave the dishes unwashed, put the children to bed on time and jump into bed until you both are tired.

However, it is important to take a discreet approach to planned sex nights. If the events of the day interfere with your plans for the night, it is better to choose another date. This prevents misunderstanding and helps to focus on the priority of your intimacy.

The bottom line

You should understand that every relationship is different. This means that what works for one couple may not work for the other, and there is no magic number, which means that you live your best sexual life. Moreover, you should never compare your sex life with others. Sex is great, but it’s not a competition. Improve your communication skills and you will have better intimacy with your partner. Better communication gives more intimacy, which almost always means better sex. Shift the emphasis from the to-do list to sex to determine exactly what you want and what you need. This will help you and your partner have better and more frequent sex.